Recently, I’ve found myself reflecting on my mental health, and for once, it’s been really pleasurable. I finally feel like I am a whole person, and my brain isn’t constantly on high alert in a scary world, or telling me that I’m not as good as everyone else. I don’t even compare anymore – I’m happy to stand in my own space and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, both personally and professionally.
by Jill Spurr
I’ve learned a lot in the last few years about poor Mental Health, and looking back, I can see signs of it throughout my life, not just at the critical episodes like my Mum’s death, or the in-work bullying that led to a diagnosis of reactive depression.
Of course, it helps these days that we can talk freely about Mental Health more, although we have a long way to go until we can mention it without someone, usually a career opinionista, saying something boring and obtuse like “Man up”. We have a long way to go to close the say-do gap in organisations and individuals who spout “Be kind” when it suits and then go back to relentless negative and even abusive coverage of trans people, the Duchess of Sussex, and whoever else the victim du jour is. For some, it seems like respect for mental health is only worthy in approved directions, so it’s perhaps appropriate that this year’s theme for World Mental Health Day was “Mental Health is a Universal Human Right.”
I find that such a powerful phrase: Mental Health is a Universal Human Right.
Perhaps it’s because mine has been so bad in the past, and probably because it was so deeply, deeply hidden, even from me. Now, being in such a good place, I can look back and recognise the unhealthy things I just accepted from life, but that ground away my resilience, flooded my body with cortisol and made my mental health worse. My life is far from perfect, but it is filled with blessings, and professionally I feel like I am producing my best work ever. Mental Health has a profound effect on our lives, our physical health and every aspect of who we are and yet we limp along, expecting things to get better on their own. We struggle with broken minds yet would seek help for broken bones – both are essential to holding us up, so why don’t we respect them in the same way?
But I also know that when I was most ill, I didn’t really realise it. I didn’t know what well felt like. Now, I can reflect on my recovery rate from an anxiety spike and realise that the days it would affect me in the past wasn’t normal, wasn’t healthy and wasn’t something I have to put up with.
Hind sight is 20-20 vision, so they say, which is why I decided to write some advice for the person behind me. Maybe some of the things I learned about myself will help the next person achieve good Mental Health more quickly.
So, if you are struggling, maybe one of these points will strike a chord. I hope so.
· Be grateful – daily gratitudes had a profound impact on my internal dialogue and became a foundation for change. If you write daily gratitudes, your brain resets its defaults and you become more empathetic and use more positive language. As a result, you are actually kinder to yourself, with opens up blue sky of change. Neural pathways – those shortcuts our brain makes – are so powerful, so cultivate good ones.
· Get out – while a walk in nature will boost your mood, that’s not what I mean. The effect of any mood boost will be temporary if your circumstances are detracting from your wellbeing. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a place, a family, if something is dragging you down, it’s not going to get miraculously better without change, but that may be out of your control. So if you can’t change your environment – change your environment. Even if it’s scary to walk away from what you knew. Nature abhors a vacuum, so something will soon fill the void, just make sure it’s a step towards a happier outcome.
· Break the cycle – forgive yourself and forgive others. We are all a product of the interactions we have experienced, and very often the way we get treated reflects the way someone else was treated before. We haven’t a hope of a better world if someone doesn’t say “this ends here”. And really, what is the point in carrying forward the characteristics that caused you pain… Is that who you want to be?
· Fill Your Cup – do something that is meaningful to you, regularly. And it doesn’t matter if other people don’t get it, they have their own thing. Do what lights you up, and don’t let the joy stealers take that feeling away. If someone doesn’t understand why your hobbies or activities are meaningful to you – so what? You don’t need anyone’s permission other than your own.
· Find your peoples – perhaps my biggest take away is that you can’t do it all alone. Even if you are an introvert like me! You need people who will hold the mirror up and then support you as you come to terms with the reflection. You need people who can give you new experiences, and who can challenge harmful thoughts that masquerade as deeply held beliefs. You need people who can help you – and people you can help.
And never forget – happiness is its own goal. We get wrapped up in career and life achievements but always reflect on whether, in the chaos, you are happy. I feel so lucky to feel the way I do now – I love my imperfect life – but if I’m honest, it’s been hard work, hard truths and hard change. And yeah, maybe some regret that I didn’t do it all sooner – but then I wouldn’t have had the opportunities that I’m now thriving on, so regret is no longer something I cradle to me like a treasured possession. Acknowledge your negative feelings, give them space then let them go.
My path to better mental health started by chance, by seeing the right thing at the right time that started a chain reaction to today. Dear Person Behind Me… maybe this is the chance sighting that will spark your change. I hope so.
Jill Spurr is head of communications and marketing at Affinity Trust. You can say hello on Twitter at @dreamworkbc
PLUS you should also take a look at the brilliant new organisational website Jill has been leading on for Affinity Trust – more HERE
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